#I’ll Never Listen To Every Song
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I am a Fan of Media!(It is heaven and hell at the same time.) The greatest superpower would be able to consume every piece of content related to my interests in one sitting, and remember all of it for the rest of my life.
#fear of forgetting#cursed to not be able to watch every single movie binge every single show and read every single book in the world#hey! i want content of this particular show; i want a lot because it makes me happy but no—a lot means more for me to watch#and i can’t deal with the fact that i’ll never see every single thing related to this show because there is way too much for me to consume!#i just want to consume every single piece of content that is related to all of my interests#What Do You Mean I’ll Probably Never Get To See Every Single Adaptation There Is Of This Story (life happens and I can’t get around it)#I’ll Never Read Every Fic#I’ll Never Watch Every Animatic#I’ll Never Watch Every Edit#I’ll Never Own Every Single Piece Of Merchandise Related To This Particular Media#I’ll Never Get To See Every Piece Of Official And Fanmade Art#I’ll Never Listen To Every Song#I’ll Never Talk To Every Person Who Has Even A Little Bit Of Interest In This Particular Piece Of Media#I’ll forget this story and all its details inevitably in the future#does anyone else deal—…..struggle with this#Why why Why Why😭😭😭😭#I Just Wanna Catch Up#Lowkey A Super Severe Case Of FOMO#FOMO#I’ll never get to finish everything on my watchlist i fear#My notes and reminders apps are filled with Things To See. Things to Watch. Things To Read. Things to Buy. Things. To. Do.#A perfect world to me is one where all my to see/watch/read/buy/do lists are CLEARED#YAY! CONTENT!#yay.. content…#(more for me to catch up on) (when will i ever get the time)#so. many. tags. this is how big this problem is to me
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Cats art has stalled just a tad bc of artfight (a problem I plan to remedy soon), so I just wanted to share an old Lonzo from when I was in Germany :)
#I’m pretty sure I drew these guys on a 12 hour bus ride to Switzerland actually#which i think is pretty cool#I finished lonzo in a hotel room and it was the bestest ever#sigh I love art and cats#bc of the newest Gotham-native challenge I’ve resolved to rewatched all of the productions of cats I’ve seen#just because I miss my besties#I do have a couple rare munku and tugger drawings in this sketchbook#perhaps I’ll post them one day#but who knows#I still haven’t revealed my tugger design (doesn’t have one)#but someday soon#been listening to shut up and drive by rhianna nonstop for hours#every couple of months I’ll be overwhelmed with the urge to just watch SO many drag race clips on YouTube#never seen the show ever#but the Alyssa Edwards vs Tatianna lip sync to that song? life changing#before I drift off to sleep I just wanna sayyyy uhhhh I love you all forever and ever 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶#cats the musical#cats musical#sorah’s silly scribbles#alonzo cats#cats alonzo
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asking for help always makes things worse
#I need to just accept that I’m never going to be given any understanding or actual help#I may never escape these worlds it seems it doesn’t matter how hard I try I can’t get anyone to listen to me#this feels traumatizing I feel entirely beaten and ground down into something small and helpless#I have no control at all I keep trying and trying and trying and trying and for what#I need somebody to just listen to me atp not being dismissed is better than nothing but everyone’s a curation anyway no real thoughts or#feelings but it doesn’t matter I don’t even care please just listen to me somebody listen to me I’m so confused do curations have some#autonomy I don’t think so maybe I don’t fucking know they said yes on the clock so perhaps yes so please just listen please pls pls pls pls#I can’t be traumatized I’m not human right but I’m having everything stripped from me every last ounce of control the shadow ppl have all#the control which is funny I’m fairly certain I’m one of them but they still can strip me of control I was bred for this#please somebody help me I keep begging like it’ll do anything can you at least help with the ppl and cameras in the vents#are ppl from the real world watching through them I believe so can anything be done something has to be done escape the impostors something#just something please just listening would help actual listening not dismissal you can think whatever you want about me but listen#maybe some have autonomy and some don’t ?#please understand that I’ve tried very hard I’ve tried very very hard suicidality and homicidality have dug their claws into me even further#I don’t know what else to do I’m at a loss and no one will listen to me at all I’ve tried asking offline I’ve tried asking online it doesn’t#matter what I do where I ask no one will listen even the ones who do somewhat say they don’t know what to do I’m suspicious do they really#not know what to do or are they lying that may be more an impostor thing but everyone and everything is suspicious to me uh uh uh just#listen and help please idk what to do it’s all in the mirrors and clocks and such but I need to find a way to enter the mirrors but I’m#scared what I’ll find who is looking back I’m scared what world I’ll end up in it may be their world I’ll be punished they said yes I’m#terrified can someone go in with me if I manage to find out how that’s pathetic but damn I don’t think I can anyway they’ve been crawling on#the ceilings today hahah doing some weird and wacky shit sometimes they’re a little funky and just there and other times I’m having a heart#attack no in between I know pleading with curations is likely going to be classified as annoying but for the love of god do you know what#else I am supposed to do ??? at the very least just listen to me please it is 02:14:46 how synchronous ! I can’t stop having what I think#are dreams about the mental hospital too haha they send me to dreamworlds sometimes trap me in them waking dreamworlds see I’ve been reduced#down into something tiny I’ve resorted to begging once again do I even want to beg am I lying to myself my words aren’t my own my thoughts#aren’t my own so is this not my own can’t ever speak none of it’s my own it feels unsafe especially to speak of anything that isn’t this#it isn’t safe it isn’t my own it’s not the focus idk idk idk should I ask to talk to someone again I wonder I want understanding for my#situation please listen to me the joints hurt aaaa#my life is a playyy is a playyy is a playyyyyy anyone like marina that song appeared in the head I wonder where that spider went it better#not be inside of the body ok ok ok anyone yes help wanted help needed 02:22:22
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i don’t know if this is gonna make sense but i feel like Wicked’s casting is bad for like. longevity. bc sure in the Movie Theater having the Movie Theater experience my ape brain goes oh! jeff goldblum! haha cool. then i exit the theater and turn on the soundtrack in the car. then i also listen to it the next day at home with earbuds. and maybe again the day after that in the shower with a speaker. and it’s like hmm. i don’t think seeing jeff goldblum as the wizard of oz is worth having mediocre moments in the soundtrack. that you should want me to listen to multiple times. “i thought he did fine!” fine? it’s. it’s Wicked. genuinely why on earth should i settle for “fine” ITS WICKED i feel like im going bananas.
#oh and i ESPECIALLY hate when people on tiktok try to claim he sounded like that on purpose#specifically in the affair part during the first song#‘i thought it was because they were supposed to sound drunk’ im going to hit you on the head with a hammer#anyway#the same can be said about the mixing.#im not an audio engineer by any means. im a choir kid that’s not even trying anymore at best.#but why. why does it sound like that.#god the casting really does irk me though bc it’s like they went through a whole thing to say look!!!#we hired Real Singers to play the leads!!!!!!!!!!!#to give them credibility#they are not the only characters that have important musical moments#so those moments will just stick out like a sore thumb every time you listen to the soundtrack#im sure there are people that genuinely don’t mind/really enjoy/have gotten used to these moments#and that’s totally fine#im just so sick of this#we’ve been doing this ‘casting actors/celebrities instead of singers’ thing for so long#and it’s just never gonna stop huh#i mean ig i understand. wicked is so fucking popular these bitches will be richer than god#but sorry i still want talent in an adaptation of one of the most popular musicals ever#holy shit that was a TANGENT LMAO#i’ll probably delete this in the morning because i sound like a lunatic
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death at the movies by car seat headrest is one of the songs ever to me.
#every time i listen to it i’m like. this is it. this is The Song.#but i think i just like movies.#“it’s hard to adjust your eyes after the matinee. from the womb of the theater to the light of day”#hell yeah it is#“the spirits did it all in an hour and a half. bring me to pain. bring me to relief. turn off my brain. suspend my disbelief”#“there’s a wonderful line I can’t remember. i can’t rewind so i better remember”#“i must be saved. i must be saved before the end���#“the hero stands up and the blood rushes out of his head. but you can still see him breathing after he’s dead. and after the soul is gone#his body’s back to himself. and you’ll say ‘oh who is he? i’ve seen him in something else’”#“and so I pray to the movie screen that i’ll be shown something i’ve never seen. a revelation i can sense it but this part don’t make any#sense yet. if heaven is a film that never ends. and the characters are all my friends. or is that what we call a tv show?#or is that the real life that we’re living now?”#“could’ve been better. had such potential. could've been better. had such potential.”#i was planning on quoting just a few of my favorite lyrics but this is most of the song. so#remy rambles#car seat headrest
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#ngl but after listening to half of tortured poets#there is nothing great about it#but it also isn’t objectively bad#it’s just there#like jeremy renner in any movie he’s ever been in#like. this is what we as music consumers get for allowing everything she touches to turn to gold#because it has dramatically affected her work#we have seen such a steep decline in her craft since folklore and evermore peaked#like there’s nothing interesting here!! the lyricism isn’t doing anything!! the production is bland!! (k*ll jack antonoff)#her vocals never reach their full potential and stay in a mid range for almost the entirety of the record!!#and nothing makes me come back for more it’s like a 17 song long podcast without any fun hooks or even half-way poetic verses#every song that is half way decent i recognize that aaron dressner was a writer on it#that should tell you something rip#idk it’s just!! there lmao#maybe i’ll think differently when i listen to it more but for now it’s not doing much for me dawg
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youtube
#i’ll never get tired of this song#every few months i remember the frozen 2 songs show yourself and into the unknown and fall in love all over again#frozen 2#ever since i explored youtube as a baby college student i’ve loved listening to my favorite animation movie songs in different languages#that really took off when i got obsessed with elsa in 2013 and then again briefly with frozen 2#but also i just love the animated heroines of my childhood and the music they sang#not just disney but the nondisney ones too#especially prince of egypt
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OnlyOneOf
the thing about onlyoneof. is that onlyoneof brings to the table a special something that has never been brought before. and it is alluring, mesmerizing, something that you cannot turn your head away from once you’ve witnessed it in it’s entire glory. due to obvious reasons, we know why that can also be highly dangerous. and hence, their charms remain exclusive to people they’ve already reeled in; their fans. this keeps new people from discovering them. but also no one, at large, is ready to take on the greatness of what they are trying to portray. so they might also never reach the success they’re supposed to reach (i heavily refuse to accept). and despite of it, they would have done what they ought to. Been there, among the pages of untold taboo history pages of kpop for future others to build upon, until finally it isn’t that much taboo anymore.
#every once in a while i just gotta post about something i have never posted about before#this is why i’ll never have followers#i am aware eha#onlyoneof#kpop#when i say i audibly gasped and physically shook when i saw a clip of them taking an ace flag from the crowd and holding it up#we never know one day it could be an aromantic flag#because it’s always the thing that lags behind queer rep#there’s never any ‘a’s to be found no mention about that ‘+’ at the end#also what about their impeccable discography?#see a week into rediscovering them i have half their songs on my playlist#(the other half are ones i am yet to listen to)#and a couple made into my exclusive ‘the esoteric’ playlist#which is like the only exclusive playlist i have other than the massive singular playlist i add all the songs i find into#anyways this is huge everyone#aa mine#bobblehead
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The real reason why I’ll never end up posting this fic is because I have no earthly idea what I’d title it
#me looking at lyrics for every song I’ve ever listen to: nope not quite#deadass have never been so unsure of a title#but uh…. so I’ll just keep writing until I have something to call it and then I guess lll start posting 🤷♀��#wrote a 1200 words today 😎#can’t wait to reread it in the morning and realize everything I just wrote in my sleepy haze will probably be cut#it be like that#Kelly writes
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I don’t know how to explain that I’m not me in a way anyone can fully comprehend. I’m so tired.
#vent#I can’t just keep saying all of this stuff again. but I’m going to.#I look back on my life and it feels like I’m remembering scenes from my favorite movie.#or better yet. you know how if you tell someone something enough they eventually believe it? like in criminal justice shit?#I look back. and it feels like that wasn’t me. but they’re my memories. somehow.#this is the same body. same brain. same voice.#but I can’t remember more than an audience would. I’ll never know what I was thinking. how my brain worked.#and I can’t help but wonder if I’m still seeing my life like that. if I’m exaggerating everything.#if I’m exaggerating how amazing I really was.#I spend every day of my fucking life mourning over what I perceived myself to be.#because back then? back then I was building the skills needed to be a person in this world.#everything feels fucking broken with me. I’m in so much anguish.#I miss being a person more than anything.#I feel so horrible. not just for everything I’ve done but for everyone I’ve met. for my friends.#I feel like I’ve let everyone down. No one understands just how true that actually is.#If you could see the life I lost you would think I let you down too. I guarantee it.#this is the worst death one can have. Everyone loses the you they know. But you still have a body and brain that has to face the aftermath.#I’ve been in agony for so long. so much of me is dead. I just pray that the rest of me goes painlessly.#cant believe I wrote this shit listening to a song from the god damn doll movie
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can’t tell if I’m happy or not tbh but something is up in my brain and it’s crazy shit. Like I’m not even stressed about the stressy I’m just. Vibes
#Like I’m not guilty either. Normally around now I would be feeling the guilt but. I’m good.#There is so much good in me and it is persevering so bad. It’s going to make me even better than I am now#I love the feeling of finally being destined for great things. I’ve never known what my purpose in life is going to be but I might be#Getting closer now. I know where I want to make good in this world. I’m not worried about what I’ll do for a job.#All I have to worry about is coursework and that will sort itself out like the coursework before it.#I’m going to plan a little to make tomorrow better#Having ‘side quests’ helps me to achieve small things towards a better day every single day so I want to set them now#I want to remember to wear my Monday T-shirt. And pack a good lunch and ask my tutor how to start an essay introduction.#I want to eat a good breakfast now that I’ve found out my favourite healthy breakfast#I want to listen to three songs that make me happy and pick up three bits of rubbish that I see on the floor#Or cans that people forget to put in the can recycling cause that messes with my brain lol#And give one person at least a compliment#Tell my mum she’s doing a good job#Tomorrow will be good :)
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when you get this ask could you perhaps maybe bless us with 5 of your fav songs (currently or of all time), and then send this ask to 5 of your mutuals who you think have good taste!
whipping out this old meme to say: sorry i’m basic and also have never once made a ‘favorites’ list without agonizing intensely 😭 so i narrowed it down to ‘favorite songs that have been used in hockey fancams’. HOWMSTEVER i also struggled with that. so. in no order are five songs shuffled from my fc songs playlist:
i cheated already i forgot we need to include anything hippo campus. yes i had to no i don’t even care which song (fc specific… bambi… semi-pro…) they’re my favorite band
sarah - alex g / astrid- glaive (*two songs but same vibes. it’s fine)
make out - julia nunes
junk of the heart (happy) - the kooks
pa’lante - hurray for the riffraff / thy mission - the garden (cheating again but these are both knox songs to me so they can be in one)
good old fashioned lover boy - queen
#THANK YOU BESTIEEEEEEE 🥰💕🥰💕☺️#OH GOD I’M TERRIBLE AT MAKING LISTS#<- second reaction after having the first reaction of 🥰🥺💕🦋☺️ messages!!! from beloved mutual!!!#liv in the replies#like??? we’ve got some varied taste? it depends so much on mood??? also even language 😭#i also CANNOT listen to songs on repeat. you know the algorithm where spotify’s like oh you liked this? we’re putting it on every playlist#i need the opposite. if i heard it three days ago i don’t want to hear it for the next week thank you so much 🙏#honorable mention on this list to ‘crimson to chrome’ by friko which i’m currently obsessed with &would love to make a drw legacy fancam to#nova scotia - magic man/texas#no rush - maude latour#i got - young the giant#sorry i completely changed the rules of the ask game. yeah yeah i know. look at it it’s got anxiety now. everybody i ask this to:#do your version not mine lol#other things that got put here as i worked through myself but still don’t LOVE because i couldn’t capture or explain the vibes like.#hippo campus is my favorite band but also vance joy needs to be on there but then like. classics? what does favorite mean? ????#OKY I’M DONE AGONIZING IT’S BEEN OVER 48 HOURS I’LL NEVER BE HAPPY#whitenikes
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what kind of music do you listen to? favorite artist?
my top artists last year were kanye west, kendrick lamar, tyler the creator, sza, the weeknd, davido, burna boy, and mac miller, those are probs my favs
i listen to anything rlly as long as i like it, love afro beats, songs from musicals, r&b, etc
#one of my top songs was ‘where you are’ moana😭#that song is so good i will forever stand by it#ty for asking anon#what do u like to listen to#oooooh and i’m obsessed w the greatest showman soundtrack#know every song word for word#getting i to hamilton too one of my favs from it rn is ’non - stop’#also love pink + white frank ocean one of my top listend to last year#sunshine steve lacy#apocalypse cigarettes after sex#time adventure from adventure time#i want to put more of my favs but it’ll never end so i’ll leave it here anon
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sometimes my discover weekly is a hitchhiker who knows nothing of me, the guy driving this unholy vehicle. other weeks she is a tender lover. sometimes she knows me better than my blood knows my bones. i owe discover weekly everything and i also want to spit on its boots. you understand
#it’s a good week this time#but last week every single song was a fucking miss#like sometimes it’s insulting#i’ll listen to whatever it recommends me and either fall madly in love or want to punch her in the throat#and there’s never a middle ground#it’s either they’re all fucking terrible or all absolute bangers#one of my favourite songs in the whole world came from discover weekly#and then sometimes it will recommend absolute shit#anyway spotify i love you and i hate you so much#spotify#music
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i’m the first one who’ll say that directly stating “this song is about x” flattens it by removing its ambiguity and opportunity for subjective interpretations that make it poetic, so i’m not gonna say exactly what i think, but i WILL say that it was extremely funny for me to see someone say that they were mystified by Chinese House Flowers of all songs when, to me anyway, it’s one of the most straightforward songs on Full Force Galesburg meaning-wise, but 🤷🤷🤷🤷 that’s just my opinion!
#like. i get what every song on FFG is *about* in a general sense#but for a lot of them it’s more of an emotional understanding as opposed to ‘this song has a plot that i comprehend’#with Chinese House Flowers though i have a VERY specific interpretation that i believe has stood since i first heard it#it’s just very self-evident to me??#like. idk… maybe i’m wrong… i’ve never seen JD confirm it anywhere so i’ll never be sure#unless he randomly decides to elaborate on a nearly 30 year old song for some reason 😂😂#so i’m not claiming to be an authority on this - but i also like my interpretation and it makes sense to me#and the concept of someone having NO idea what’s going on in it is just really funny to me#no offense to anyone… i think the post i saw about it was years old so op shouldn’t see this#i’m just blabbering bc i really like the song and i’ve been listening to FFG at least once a day for weeks
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WHERE’S MY FUKING CAPO
#my post#funny#relatable#guitar#music#bjork#wait you can only have 30 tags the joke is much less funny if i don’t have a fucking wall of the stuff i guess i’ll just make this one reall#and 140 characters per tag this is stifling my creativity meh i was running out of popular tags anyway bjork’s not that popular of a tag tho#tbh i was running out of inspiration after like the 4 tag this joke was not meant to be at least not by my hand and i guess it wasn’t that f#unny either i cooled down real fast on that one you know what i’m pivoting this is no longer popular tags just my train of thought for as lo#ng as i feel like it the first few one might not even make sense when i’m done but who cares not me clearly it is quite annoying how i can’t#use commas tho make’s this harder to read than it needs to any way i lost my capo for like the third time my desk isn’t even that messy but#don’t know where else i would’ve put it it’s not lying on any of my instruments either i probably put it quote somewhere i would remember un#quote but clearly i didn’t i’m usually very good at remembering where i put things put the capo is the zone in between i use this often and#i use this every other year so i never remember where it is stored it is 1 am so i guess i’m going to bed soon anyway but still this is goin#g to annoy me until tomorrow i don’t even need it right i’ve had to remove so many tags the original joke barely makes sense anymore i’m kee#ping bjork tho you can pry her out of my cold dead hands not that i really listen to her music or know her i just like saying her name i’ts#got good mouth feel and it’s fun to spell i didn’t realize how long filling 30 tags would be what’s 140 times 30 let me look it up 4200 this#makes this post my biggest project by like 3000 words the only time i’ve written any meaningful lengths of texts was in college and i’m a dr#opout what 4200 characters not words silly little me makes a lot more sense now that i think about it i’m getting tired of writing so this m#ay end soon i would like to not go to bed at 4 am for a silly little post 2 people are going to read plus i am running out of ideas of thing#s to write i am very much not a writer writing scares me even writing lyrics for songs terrifies me i’ve only manage to write lyrics for one#without getting too self conscious and imploding but i’m better at writing songs with vocals i’ve never had anyone to write music with and w#ithout the ability to sing or write lyrics it’s been difficult the singing has been more or less remedied with synth v but the puter can’t w#rite lyrics for meso until i get a lyricist friend i will have to toughen up you can’t make art without making yourself known to those who c#onsume it but lyrics and poetry has always been 1 step too far for me tbh i’d rather spontaneously combust rather than let people know me i#do not look at my very numerous in stars and time posts and reblogs they are completely unrelated to this don’t think about it oh look behin#d you there’s a distraction oh you’ve missed it i have been writing this for half an hour and i am getting so sick of it i revealed informat#ion about the inner machinations of my mind i have not done this since last time i saw a therapist 5 years ago this is fucked up what a self#impose writing challenge can do to you luckily this is the last tag i’m doing lucky me well this was fun this is going to end suddenly so do
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